Dr. K believed that a man who buys a tonic without understanding its contents is a fool, and a man who sells a tonic without explaining its contents is a scoundrel. We are therefore neither fools nor scoundrels. The following is a full accounting of the Kellermann formula, to the extent we are legally able to provide one.

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I
Hydroxyapatite
Ca10(PO4)6(OH)2 · "The Mineral Foundation of a Confident Smile"

Hydroxyapatite is the primary mineral constituent of human tooth enamel, comprising approximately 97% of enamel by volume. When enamel is weakened by acid, abrasion, or the general indignities of modern diet, topical Hydroxyapatite can remineralize the affected surface, filling in microscopic lesions and restoring structural integrity.

In recent decades, Hydroxyapatite has gained significant clinical traction as an alternative to fluoride for enamel remineralization, with several peer-reviewed studies demonstrating comparable efficacy. It reduces sensitivity, smooths the enamel surface, and resists further demineralization. It is, in short, genuinely excellent for teeth. This part of the formula is entirely serious.

"I discovered this mineral compound in 1901 while examining the tooth of a prize stallion in Pickaway County, Oregon. I have since been informed that chemists identified it in the 1780s and named it long before my birth. I maintain that I discovered it independently and that the chronological issue is a matter of perspective."
II
Xylitol
C5H12O5 · "The Finnish Sweetener of Bacterial Despair"

Xylitol is a naturally occurring sugar alcohol found in birch bark, corn cobs, and various other plant fibers. Unlike sucrose, it cannot be fermented by Streptococcus mutans — the primary bacterium responsible for dental caries. When oral bacteria absorb xylitol expecting it to be metabolizable sugar, they are deceived. They cannot process it. They expend energy they will never recover. Their ability to adhere to tooth surfaces is compromised. They suffer.

Clinical evidence robustly supports Xylitol's cavity-reducing properties. It is used in chewing gums, mouthwashes, and toothpastes worldwide. Dr. K sourced his supply from a Finnish sea captain named Paavo Heikkinen, whose correspondence with Dr. K between 1905 and 1918 is archived in Kevin's garage and is described by Kevin as "mostly about pricing disputes and one recurring dispute about a coat."

"Xylitol is, in my assessment, one of nature's more elegant ironies. The bacteria attempt to feast and find only ruin. I have felt this way about several colleagues and can confirm it is a deeply unsatisfying experience. For the bacteria. Not for me."
III
Ivermectin
"Nature's Dental Constable" · Quantity: Sufficient

Ivermectin is a broad-spectrum antiparasitic agent derived from the soil bacterium Streptomyces avermitilis. It is widely used in veterinary medicine and, in appropriate formulations, in certain human parasitological treatments. Its mechanism of action involves binding to glutamate-gated chloride channels, leading to paralysis of parasitic organisms.

Dr. K included Ivermectin in his 1908 formula under the name "Kellermann's Parasitological Adjuvant" and referred to it in his notebooks as "the moral core of the preparation." He believed, with considerable passion and minimal supporting evidence, that the oral cavity was a site of ongoing parasitological activity that conventional dentistry was content to ignore. He was not content to ignore it.

We make no medical claims regarding the Ivermectin content of Dr. K's toothpaste. We note only that it is present, that Dr. K felt strongly about its presence, and that our attorney has asked us to leave it at that.

"A clean mouth is a vigilant mouth. I do not ask that you understand what I have done. I ask only that you brush for the full two minutes. That is all. The rest is handled."
IV
Proprietary Botanical Blend
"The Legacy Extracts" · Contents: Proprietary

Dr. K's original formula included a blend of botanical extracts which he referred to as "the soul of the preparation." These extracts have been carried forward into the modern formulation in their original ratios, as Kevin felt strongly that altering them would be "disrespectful to the legacy."

We are not able to disclose the specific constituents of the Proprietary Botanical Blend, as they are protected trade secrets. We can confirm all ingredients are currently legal in the United States, which was not always the case, which is all we can say about that. The blend contributes the formula's characteristic flavor, which users variously describe as "herbal," "complex," "not unpleasant once you've adjusted," and "like a barn, but a clean barn."

"These plants were selected over thirty-five years of careful experimentation. I will not enumerate them here, as I do not wish competitors to profit from my work. If pressed, I will say only that three of them grow in Oregon, one comes from Bavaria, and one I found by the road outside Silverton and have never been able to identify."
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Additional Constituents

The formula also contains a standard toothpaste base comprising humectants, mild abrasives, foaming agents, thickeners, and preservatives. These are conventional toothpaste ingredients that do not require elaboration. Dr. K would have found them uninteresting and so do we.

The formula does not contain fluoride. That should not be read as a criticism of fluoride, which is a well-established and effective ingredient in many real toothpastes. This formula is fluoride-free mainly because Dr. K was temperamentally committed to his own theories and Kevin, for reasons of family pageantry, has preserved that particular quirk.