We receive a great many questions about the Kellermann formula, its ingredients, its history, and its creator. What follows is a good-faith effort to answer them all. Where we cannot provide a full answer, we have provided a partial one. Where we cannot provide a partial one, we have provided the best we have.
What is Dr. K's Ivermectin Toothpaste?
It is a premium dental preparation formulated in the tradition of Dr. Konstantin Kellermann's original 1908 compound, updated for the modern era by removing several things that were no longer advisable. It contains Hydroxyapatite for enamel remineralization, Xylitol for cavity prevention, Ivermectin — which we characterize as Dr. K's legacy ingredient and leave it at that — and a Proprietary Botanical Blend whose contents are protected by both trade secret law and Kevin's strong personal convictions.
Who is this for?
Anyone who appreciates good dental science, Victorian-style product copy, the comedy potential of veterinary antiparasitic medication, and a certain willingness to read a lot of text on a toothpaste website. You have already demonstrated you are the target audience by reaching this FAQ. Welcome.
Who is Kevin?
Kevin Kellermann is Dr. K's great-great-grandnephew and the individual who discovered Dr. K's notebooks in a farmhouse attic in 2019 and decided to bring the formula to market. Kevin has no dental credentials, which he acknowledges freely. He does have a podcast called The Kellermann Files, which has approximately 340 monthly listeners and covers topics including dental history, parasitology, and "the cover-up of Dr. K's work," though Kevin uses that phrase more loosely than we might prefer.
Is this a real product?
That is a surprisingly philosophical question, and we mean that as a compliment. It is a real satirical/humor product, which means the website is real, the jokes are real, the historical character of Dr. Kellermann is fictional, and the Hydroxyapatite and Xylitol are genuinely good dental ingredients used in real toothpastes. The Ivermectin is the joke. We hope that's clear. It's meant to be clear.
How do I use Dr. K's Toothpaste?
Apply a pea-sized amount to a toothbrush. Brush for two minutes, twice daily, using gentle circular motions. Rinse thoroughly. Spit. Do not swallow. Dr. K's original instructions included the note "swallow for full systemic benefit," and we have specifically updated this guidance. Please do not follow Dr. K's original instructions on this point.
Should I swallow it?
No. We want to be unambiguous about this. No. Not even a little. Spit it out. This applies to all toothpaste, not just ours, but we want to be particularly clear about it given the circumstances. Spit.
Is it safe?
The Hydroxyapatite and Xylitol are widely regarded as safe and are used in numerous commercial toothpastes with an excellent track record. Regarding the Ivermectin: Dr. K's estate has provided us with extensive documentation on its safety in various contexts, which we continue to review with our attorneys. We note that this product is not intended for actual use in managing any parasitic condition and that this entire premise is a joke. If you have a health concern, please see a physician who is familiar with contemporary practices.
Can I use this if I am pregnant or nursing?
Please consult your physician before using any product you're uncertain about during pregnancy or nursing. Dr. K consulted no one and had different standards of due diligence generally. We are trying to do better.
Can children use this?
Dr. K's original formula included a children's variant called "Little Konstantin's Juvenile Dental Preparation," which is not available at this time for reasons we are not at liberty to discuss. For children, we recommend consulting a pediatric dentist regarding appropriate fluoride or Hydroxyapatite-based toothpastes. This product is presented for humor purposes for adults.
Can I use this on my horse?
We are legally unable to say yes. We are also legally unable to fully explain why we are legally unable to say yes. We can say that Ivermectin is widely used in equine care, but this is a human toothpaste — satirically speaking — and you should consult a veterinarian for your horse's dental and parasitological needs.
Will this interact with my medications?
Hydroxyapatite and Xylitol are not known to interact with medications in topical dental use. Regarding Ivermectin interactions: please consult a physician. We would, genuinely, prefer you discuss this with a physician before we are required to.
What is Hydroxyapatite and is it actually good for teeth?
Yes. Genuinely. Hydroxyapatite is the primary mineral component of tooth enamel. Applying it topically remineralizes weakened enamel, fills microscopic surface lesions, reduces sensitivity, and resists future demineralization. Multiple peer-reviewed studies support its efficacy. It is one of the most legitimate things about this product, and we encourage you to seek out Hydroxyapatite toothpastes from reputable sources if the rest of this website has given you pause. It deserves a serious toothpaste.
What is Xylitol and does it really prevent cavities?
Yes, it does. Xylitol is a sugar alcohol that oral bacteria cannot ferment. When Streptococcus mutans absorbs xylitol, it cannot produce acid, cannot adhere normally to tooth surfaces, and is generally unable to conduct its cavity-causing business. Long-term use reduces caries incidence. This is also a real and well-supported ingredient. The joke part of this product does not diminish the genuine science behind these two components.
Is Ivermectin safe to put in toothpaste?
This is a satirical product and does not contain actual Ivermectin. We thought we made this reasonably clear but based on the frequency of this question, we are clarifying it here. The premise is funny because the combination is absurd, not because it is plausible. If you have questions about Ivermectin and human health, please consult a physician or pharmacist and not a toothpaste website.
What is in the Proprietary Botanical Blend?
We cannot say. They are trade secrets. We can confirm that all ingredients are legal in the United States, which was not always the case historically, which is all we can say about that. The blend contributes a distinctive flavor. Kevin has a strong emotional attachment to it and has resisted all attempts to modify it.
Is it fluoride-free?
Yes. That is a historical quirk of the joke formula, not a recommendation against fluoride. Fluoride remains a standard, evidence-based ingredient in many real toothpastes. Kevin has nevertheless spent an entire episode of The Kellermann Files, titled "The Fluoride Correspondence," trying to explain why Dr. K left it out. By Kevin's own account, the episode raises more questions than it answers.
Was Dr. K a real doctor?
Dr. Kellermann is a fictional character. His dental degree from the "Vienna Institute of Applied Dental Philosophy" references an institution we have not been able to verify as historically real, largely because we invented it. His "Ph.D. in Intestinal Botany" is from an institution he referred to only as "The Academy," which we also made up. Kevin takes the historical framing seriously and we appreciate his enthusiasm.
What is "The Grand Oral Unified Theory"?
Dr. K's notebooks reference a "Grand Oral Unified Theory" as his overarching framework for understanding dental health, intestinal health, and their interrelationship. The theory, as reconstructed from his notes, holds that the mouth is not merely the beginning of digestion but "the primary site of systemic determination" and that proper oral hygiene, inclusive of parasitological attention, is the foundation of all human health. The theory is internally consistent in the way that most confidently wrong things are internally consistent.
What fire?
Several fires are referenced in the Kellermann narrative. The fire at the Vienna Dental Regulatory Board records office (which conveniently destroyed the records of Dr. K's unspecified dispute with that body) is the first. The fire at Dr. K's Oregon practice in 1912 (which destroyed most patient records) is the second. The fire at the Millfield general store in 1919 (which Dr. K apparently witnessed, though his connection to it is unclear) is the third. Kevin has said, on the podcast, that the fires are "a pattern worth examining." We have said, to Kevin, that the fires are a joke. Kevin remains unconvinced.
Does Dr. K's estate endorse this product?
Kevin Kellermann is the sole living heir to the Kellermann dental legacy, such as it is, and is the person responsible for this entire endeavor. So in the most meaningful sense possible: yes.
Where can I buy Dr. K's Ivermectin Toothpaste?
This is a humor/satirical product and is not currently available for purchase. The website exists to make people laugh and, hopefully, to make them think favorably of Hydroxyapatite and Xylitol as legitimate dental ingredients. If you are looking for a genuine Hydroxyapatite toothpaste, several excellent ones exist and we encourage you to seek them out.
Is there a subscription available?
Kevin has discussed developing a subscription service called "The Kellermann Covenant," in which subscribers receive monthly shipments along with excerpts from Dr. K's notebooks and updates from the podcast. This does not currently exist in any commercial form. It is a vision. Kevin has many visions.
Do you offer refunds?
Dr. K's original policy was "No refunds, only regrets." Kevin has updated this to a 30-day satisfaction guarantee on any hypothetical future commercial product, with the caveat that "satisfaction" is a subjective standard that would be evaluated on a case-by-case basis. For this website specifically: if you are dissatisfied with the humor, we are sorry, but we have already spent it.
Is this FDA approved?
The Hydroxyapatite and Xylitol are used in many products sold under FDA oversight. The FDA's position on Ivermectin toothpaste is best characterized as "the FDA has not specifically addressed this because it did not previously occur to anyone to ask." Dr. K's own position on regulatory approval was that "a man who needs permission to clean a tooth is no dentist at all," which was a consistent position and a completely useless one from a compliance standpoint.
Do you ship internationally?
There is no product to ship at this time, as this is a satirical website. Internationally, we can confirm that this URL resolves correctly in most countries we have tested. That is the extent of our international distribution infrastructure.
Have a question not addressed here? Consult the Dr. K biography, review the formula page, or simply sit with the uncertainty. Dr. K sat with uncertainty for thirty-five years and turned out fine. Mostly.